Narcissists. 😕😟😈These soul sucking, demoralising people take delight in playing people in shallow interactions that look like relationships. Dangerous for empaths – people who feel more than most. Dangerous for people already hurt and vulnerable. They take pleasure in making you feel like you are going crazy then if the relationship turns (you don’t play by their rules) they attack telling everyone around you that you are psycho or irrational or …
Why is this important to know? It is important to know for self preservation and living your best life. It is likely you have interacted with at least one already. If you have been close to one, you will know really only after the relationship has ended. The damage that they can do to a person, especially someone who does not have good support elsewhere in their life (often this is a given see #27 below). A person who has been usually a well balanced, happy and thoughtful person can change to anxious, fearful, overwhelmed and hyper vigilant.
Can they change? In a word, no. Many studies have been done to understand how this personality is formed but there is a general consensus that in this circumstance, a Leopard can’t change its spots. Sadly, the empaths that usually connect with them always think they can change them and often waste their whole lie expecting that to happen.
How to protect yourself? Read the list below. Not all need to apply. Be aware of any controlling, belittling behaviour and start recognising and understanding. Find a good counsellor who recognises this behaviour and helps pull you back from feeling that you are going crazy. Talk to the right people – not new friends, but old friends who knew you before this happened.
Could be a workmate, a friend, a family member, or family friend needs help…
Spotting Toxic People:
1. Gaslight and make you feel crazy – ignore and deny their own behaviour when confronted with it
2. Have no empathy – can not see anything from anyone else’s perspective
3. Hypocritical – have extremely high expectations of you, but do not have the same standard (you need to say hi to them every day, but they do not have to do the same)
4. Accomplished liars and make excuses (pathological and rationalise everything)
5. Focus on your mistakes and ignore their own (they are perfect)
6. Lack of respect or sensitivity to your feelings (you are over reacting, emotional, you will be the reason they feel…(insert emotion) )
7. Selfish and consume energy from you and your life (they demand adoration and are insatiable for attention)
8. Accuse you of feeling emotions they are deliberately evoking (e.g. calling you needy after deliberately ignoring you for days, or using manufactured reactions to get sympathy from other targets to prove how “hysterical” or “psycho” you have become)
9. You feel uneasy and start playing detective (you facebook stalk and google search because you have a feeling something isn’t right)
10. You are the only one who sees their true colours (no matter what they do they always seem to have a fan club cheering them and they are always known as charming, funny, cute. The fan club won’t notice because they will be strategically distracted by shallow praise)
11. You fear any fight will be your last – they make clear any arguments could be the end of it. But equally will avoid confrontation and will give you silent treatment
12. They erode your boundaries – think condescending, sarcastic, smirking, teasing. This becomes the primary method of communicating and subtly belittling your intelligence and your abilities. If you point it out you are called oversensitive or crazy
13. They withhold attention and undermine your self esteem, especially if you have annoyed them. They blow hot and cold with loving you then ignoring you.
14. They expect you to read their mind and it’s always your fault for not knowing about plans they never told you or that you should have done X or Y.
15. You feel on edge around them, and make excuses for their behaviour. They make it difficult to feel confident about your relationship and are unpredictable with their behaviour
16. They have an unusual number of crazy people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend is crazy or jealous or bipolar or psychotic (in their words). They have no hesitation to smear that person’s reputation. The reality is that some of the people called them out for their behaviour and are now labelled “psycho”
17. They provoke jealousies and rivalries while maintaining an air of confidence. They will bait you with old friends and partners
18. When you first met them they will have moved fast to a relationship and have “love bombed” you with flattery and seem fascinated with you. They mirror your hopes and dreams and you seem so alike.
19. They will compare you to everyone in your life either idealising (you are so much better) or devaluing (you are so much worse) – depending on what stage you are in
20. The qualities they once claimed to love about you become what they see as glaring faults
21. You see cracks in their mask -there will be more moments where you the charming, cute, innocent persona is replaced by a cold, inconsiderate, manipulative person. You will start to realise it doesn’t add up.
22. They are easily bored – everything is too easy, they can’t be alone for extended time, they will at first seem exciting and worldly
23. Triangulation – they surround themselves with former friends or partners AND future ones. This may include people they previously denounced and belittled in front of you, leaving you confused. It creates the perception they are popular and in high demand
24. Covert abuse – most of us know when we are being abused, however with a narcissist the abuse is covert and cunning, You will likely not realise until after the relationship is over that it was abusive and why you were feeling so bad about yourself for the duration. Your identity is eroded and from an outsiders perception you will appear to have “lost it” but the psychopath will calmly walk away, unscathed.
25. Pity Plays and sympathy stories – their bad behaviour always has sob stories and claim it is because of an abusive ex, abusive parents abusive cat…whatever…they will say they hate drama but drama will follow them everywhere
26. The mean and sweet cycle – sometimes they shower you with attention sometimes they ignore you, sometimes criticise you. You never know where you stand with them
27. The person becomes your life – depending on where they are in your network, they will demand the attention and devotion so that you shut your life down to others
28. Arrogance – despite the humble, sweet image they have a superiority and talk down to you and portray you as emotionally unstable
29. Backstabbing gossip – they plant little seeds of poison, whispering about everyone, idealising to their face, complaining behind their backs. You find yourself disliking or resenting people you haven’t even met. They will do the same to you when you break up the relationship
30. You will feel panic and anxiety because they transform you from the normal love and compassion to someone who apologises for things you didn’t even know you had done. You will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked and empty.
Please message me if you need help. Nobody deserves to feel bad and waste their one precious life. ❤️❤️